Stormie Omartian: Praying in Matrimony

HOLLY: You’ve written a series of books on the power of prayer.  In your latest book you identify 14 traps that can destroy marriages.

STORMIE OMARTIAN: Yes, yes.

HOLLY: What are some of the most dangerous, a few of the most dangerous traps, and how can they be avoided?

STORMIE OMARTIAN:              Well, the most dangerous and the most common of all is a lack of communication.  It is so important in a marriage.  When people cannot communicate, they begin to feel trapped, or helpless or hopeless.  And one of the other ones is sexual pollution.  And by that I mean the stuff that’s just everywhere.  Because it’s on TV, it’s on billboards, it’s in magazines, it’s just everywhere, and our minds become polluted with it, so that it really messes up our relationship with our spouse, because you have these images always floating through your mind, or you have, conceived ideas in your mind about the way you think things should be.  And it messes up what God wants to do in a relationship.  Things like that are so important.

And just a lack of forgiveness, always being able to forgive.  And I think one of the most important things is having a heart that is willing to say, “I’m not perfect.  You know, so I’m not going to sit in judgment on my spouse.  I’m going to work on me, I’m going to work on my relationship with God, becoming a better person because through the power of the Holy Spirit and not always sitting in judgment on the other person, being willing to pray for the other person to become more like the Lord.

HOLLY: Now let me ask you about that.

STORMIE OMARTIAN:            Yeah.

HOLLY: How do you actually pray through those areas?  Some of the areas you just mentioned, communication, sexual pollution, how do you pray for those areas?

STORMIE OMARTIAN:            Right, exactly.  Well, recognizing that they are there, first of all, and saying, “God, help us to communicate, God.  Help us to open up and talk to one another, and really hear one another’s hearts and not just talk at each other or not, God, please, let there not be a misfire in a relationship, where you – one person says one thing and one person says another, and you’re hearing different things, you know.  And it’s like the enemy comes in and tries to stir up your relationship and cause you to mis-communicate, and being able to pray, “Lord, be Lord over this relationship.  Don’t let the enemy come in and try to confuse us with  what we think we heard.”

And also with the forgiveness thing, “God, help me to have a forgiving heart.  Help me not to sit in judgment on my spouse.  Help me to have a repentant heart, which means that I’m willing to see anything that is my fault in this.  Any place where I’m not perfect.  Help me to see that and not always look at the flaws in my spouse.”

It’s really such an important thing.   And the Holy Spirit can help us do that.

HOLLY: I think that was one interesting point you brought up in your book.  You talk about being willing, having a willingness to repent.

STORMIE OMARTIAN:  Yes, yes.

HOLLY: Now there are probably people watching who are saying, “Repent for what?”

STORMIE OMARTIAN: For what, exactly.

HOLLY: You know, I haven’t done anything wrong.

STORMIE OMARTIAN:  Exactly.

HOLLY: Why am I going to repent?  Why is that so important?

STORMIE OMARTIAN: Right, it’s so important, and I was always saying the same thing, why should I repent, it’s him, you know, he’s the problem.  Why should I repent?

But we all need to be repentant in our heart, meaning that we all need to become more like Him, so we all need to change.  And we all need to say, “Okay, God, show me where I’m not doing things perfectly.  Show me where I’m not right, where I’ve said something wrong, where I have a wrong attitude, or I have something in my heart that’s not right.  Show me, Lord, because I want to repent of it, and because I want to move on and become more like you, Lord.”

You know, so it’s just having that kind of heart.  And being repentant doesn’t mean that you’ve murdered someone or you’ve robbed a liquor store or something.  It just – it means that you’re not perfect.

HOLLY: This is the tough question.  There are extreme cases, let’s see, say where there is infidelity.

STORMIE OMARTIAN:  Yes.

HOLLY: — or repeated infidelity, or consistent abuse.

STORMIE OMARTIAN:  Right, right.

HOLLY: Is there ever a point where it’s okay to say, “You know, I’m through, I’m done, I don’t want to pray any more, I’m not going to pray any more.  I just want to get out.” Is there a point when you can actually say that?

STORMIE OMARTIAN:  Well, there’s a point when you can get out, absolutely.  I don’t know if you ever stop praying, but there’s a point where you get out.  If you’re in any kind of danger, and any kind of physical danger or even mental or emotional danger, where you feel like you’re being beat up in your emotions and in your mind– even if you’re not touched physically.  But any of those kind of cases, where you feel like your life is in danger, you have to get out and pray from afar.  You have to, I don’t recommend anyone staying in any kind of abusive relationship at all.  I don’t think it’s wise.  And I don’t think that’s what the Lord wants.  That’s not the kind of thing the Lord has for us, to be abused in any way.  And so, yes, absolutely to get out – and to continue to pray.  I mean, I would continue to pray for that person, the abuser to be taken over by the Holy Spirit and convicted of what he’s doing in his own spirit, and to see a turnaround in that person, but you can’t make somebody do something.  You can’t make them repentant; you can’t make them turn around.  Only the Holy Spirit can.  So that’s what you pray for, you pray for the Holy Spirit to work in that person’s life.  But you cannot put yourself in a situation where you are going to be endangered.  That’s not what the Lord has.

HOLLY: This is my last question for you.  We have a lot of single viewers, and so this question is for the singles.

STORMIE OMARTIAN:            Yes.

HOLLY: Many of them, especially Christian singles, believe, if I marry the right person, everything is going to be perfect.  I’m ready for marriage, you know, I just want to go into this thing.

STORMIE OMARTIAN:            Yeah.

HOLLY: What can they do right now, while there they are actually still single, to prepare themselves to prevent these 14 traps from destroying their marriages?

STORMIE OMARTIAN:  Well, a lot of people have gotten The Praying Wife, or The Praying Husband, or this book, and begun to pray these things for their future mate which I hadn’t even thought about doing that until all these young singles were doing that.  And I thought, that is a wonderful thing to do, to begin to pray for your future husband to be a godly. Say, for example, it’s a woman we’re talking about, and  their future husband will be a godly man.  That he would have a real sense of the Lord’s purpose in his life, that he would be blessed in his work, that he would have a clear mind, the kind of clear mind that God has for him.  All of these kind of things, you can begin to pray for your future mate in that way.  And it’s very powerful, because I’ve heard of so many women who started praying that way and then when they met their future mate, there were, there were answers to prayer because of that, and I’m sure it’s because they were praying.  So beginning to pray that way, you know, is great.

HOLLY:            Well, I’m encouraged.  And so I’m going to do the same thing.

STORMIE OMARTIAN:            Great, great.

HOLLY: Thank you so much for being with us.

STORMIE OMARTIAN:  You’re welcome.

HOLLY: You’re such an inspiration and I believe that our viewers have been inspired.  Thank you so much.

STORMIE OMARTIAN:   Oh, thank you.  It’s my pleasure, thank you.