JOHN: Let’s talk about relationships. You know, relationships are kind of interesting. How many people know you can’t walk this thing alone? You need some people to walk with, whether that’s friends or loved ones. And unfortunately in the church today, we don’t really talk about romance and relationship like we should, because unfortunately, some folk are scared to talk about it. But I’m not. (LAUGHS)
I’m a product of a mother and a father, and unfortunately, mom and dad didn’t work out. They got divorced, but my mom was a woman of God and she raised me, honey child, to know the Lord. And I’m telling you, the Word of God is a keeper if you want to be kept. Am I telling the truth in here? I remember talking to my mom about different things and I remember there were times when I would talk to some of her single friends. I’d be like, “Amy, how come you’re not dating?” She’d be like, “I don’t need to date because Jesus is my boyfriend.” No, Jesus is not your boyfriend. Let’s get that myth out of the way, Jesus does not want to slow dance with you. Jesus is not taking you dinner like, “Oh, your eyes are so beautiful (makes cat noise, rrrrr),”that is not Jesus’ thing, all right. (LAUGHS)
So anytime you hear somebody say, “Jesus is my boyfriend,” I need you to back away real slow, just, “Oh, really. Wow.”
Can’t Wait
I remember my mom made me make a promise to her; when I was 13 years old. Mom said, “John, I want you to be a virgin when you get married.” I was like, “That ain’t no problem.” ‘Cause I was buck-toothed and had bald spots. I was like (whistles), “Sure, (whistles) sure, (whistles) sweetie pie (whistles) sure.”
But as I got older, I realized mommy wasn’t playing. I was like about 18, 19, the hormones started kicking in, I was like, “Did I tell you I’m gonna wait till I was married?” So here I am now and I’m 31 years old and I’m still holding on to the promise that I made to my mama. Holiness is right. (APPLAUSE) Amen, I’m still holding on. I’m giving that gift to my wife. So I really need her to hurry up! Move it sweetie, move it! Thirty-one years I’ve been waiting, as you’re watching on TV, get here quickly, quickly, quickly!
I’m gonna have the shortest wedding in history -- five minutes. I mean, my wife gonna be the first woman in history with a Vera Wang two-piece Velcro breakaway dress, easy on, easy off! I’m gonna have on a starter tuxedo, like the NBA pants with the buttons on the side, easy on, easy off!
I mean, my wife ain’t wearing no heels. Heels take too long, I need you to put on some Reeboks and jog to the altar, like you got somewhere to be. Ain’t gonna be no reception. You gonna get a bag lunch at the door; meatloaf sandwich, pack of ketchup, a piece of cake and some Kool-Aid in a cup. On your way out the door, put your card in one basket, get your reception in a bag in the other. I ain’t paying $40 a plate for no reception when you put $10 in the card. I know y’all! I know y’all!
Common Ground
We need to find some common ground, don’t you agree? There’s all of this division, there are wars, there are rumors of wars, and here in America, we know that there are always folk that want to play up the differences between folk, and play up the differences between races. I have determined there’s really only one difference between black and white. I’m telling you, it’s only one thing, and if you go to the mall or any store, you will see that the only difference between black folk and white folk is how their kids act in the mall. That’s it, because I don’t know about y’all, but I couldn’t let go of my mother’s hand when I was walking around in the “stoe.” And it ain’t the store, it’s the “stoe.” And I remember those days because even though I couldn’t get away with that, I would see these other little kids getting away with all kinds of stuff. And that’s the difference. You see the mother just trying to talk to the little boy, he’s the cutest little 3-year-old boy you ever seen, little blonde hair, got his little shirt on with his little khaki shorts and the socks up to his knee, and he’s like, “Well, mommy, I want to play with that toy over there.” And she’s like, “Cody, you can’t have that toy.” He’s like, “But I want to play with it, mom, and you won’t let me.” She’s like, “Cody.” He’s like, “I want it. I want it.” She’s like, “Cody.” He’s like, “I want it.” And he start knocking stuff over, she’s like “Cody, you’re gonna get it, mister.” “You’re gonna get it, mom. I want it. I want it. Ah, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. I want that toy. I want that toy. I want that toy.”
And I remember it, because my mother wouldn’t let me get away with none of that. If I looked like I was getting ready to touch the Star Wars Action Figures, she be like, “Whoa, I want you to touch! I wish you would put your hands on it! I’m crazy! Son, I’m crazy, let me take these earrings off, give me some Vaseline, I will beat you like I’m crazy! Don’t you put your hands, don’t you even breathe on it!” I’m in the corner, having used the bathroom on myself, I’m like, “Huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, I just, huh, huh, I just, huh, huh, I just want it, huh, huh, I just want it me a Darth Vader.” “Don’t you touch it, I’m crazy!”
Meanwhile, Cody has knocked over China, glass plates, torn up stuff, threw DVD players on the ground.”
The Man behind the laughs
How does John Gray respond when Christians cringe and feel uncomfortable about some of his supposedly Christian jokes, thinking he might be stretching it a little bit.
John says, “I try to stay in that place of stretching because I’m not trying to be someone other than me. I am kind of the stretched, edgy kind of person, and if you look at the ministry of Jesus, the people that had the biggest problem with Him were the people that were supposed to receive Him, the church folk, the leaders of the church; the people that had been reading the prophecies and said, “He’s on the way, He’s coming from Bethlehem, and when He got there they didn’t recognize it. He made them uncomfortable and I think a lot of times the things I say make people uncomfortable. But I like the fact that you’re uncomfortable because sometimes we need a little shake up.
John believes that God has to have a sense of humor, since the Bible says that He laughs at His enemies. “So, God is cracking up every time somebody tries to plot something against one of His children, because He’s already figured things out.”
“He knows that the enemies are going to fail, and He laughs, so if God can crack up, surely we can. I think people who are seeking Christ are doing the truth of God a disservice when we walk into church with our eyebrow up and we’re all tightlipped and we can’t enjoy the presence of God. If the joy of the Lord is my strength, then that means I need to have a smile on my face. I need to have some victory.”
“That is why people don’t want to get saved. People don’t want to accept Christ because we don’t give them a full picture. Jesus said, “I came that you would have life and have it more abundantly.” So, not just eternal life, but an exciting, fulfilled, engaging life here. I’m not going to live some corny, illegitimate, half-way smarmy, I’m –better-than-everybody-else kind of life, life is meant to be enjoyed.
“You have to smile and if the Bible does say that it does good like a medicine; laughter does good, then that means that in the presence of Godly laughter, you can laugh a tumor off. You sense the power of the Holy Spirit. If the Word of God is true, and it is, then that means you can be in the presence of someone with a gift for comedy, and you’re laughing cancer out of your system. You’re laughing bondage off of you.”
“I believe God is setting a new stream in order and everybody thinks that the its going be a preacher that will shake the church. God may come in through another way and shock you with a comedic take, “Hey, I feel a prophetic thing happening, order now, $19.95. Call 1-800-Turning Point, order the DVD.” You’re cracking up and you go to the doctor and you’re healed. All of a sudden, nobody laid hands and nobody gets the credit but God, and that’s what He wants. God is seeking glory when we’re seeking comfort, and those two are not compatible.”
To anybody with a heavy heart,John says, “Smile. Smile, because the Bible says very clearly that God has thoughts concerning you, Jeremiah 29 and 11, “I’ve got great thoughts for you, thoughts of good and not evil, to give you a future and a hope.” Some translations say to bring you to an expected end. That means that whatever you are walking through right now is truly not the end.”
“People see me laughing now, but there were nights when I was in fulltime ministry praying and saying, “Lord, don’t wake me up,” because the pain was so great. But if that had been my end, there would be no glory for God. So, wherever you are right now and you’re feeling like this is as horrible as it can be, understand that this is end at midnight. The Bible says, “And at midnight, Paul and Silas prayed and sang praises and immediately the foundations of the prison were shaken and everyone’s bands were loosed.” Midnight is the beginning of morning, and no matter how much it hurts, no matter how bad you want to give up, stay, holding on to the hand of God, your joy is going to come in the morning. Smile, God has not forgotten about you; laugh because your enemies are going to be your footstool. Be encouraged because God is for you so it doesn’t matter who is against you. Put a smile on your face and know that victory is yours, the blood wins.”
