Twila Paris has enjoyed 25 years of success as a songwriter and singer and she has the awards to prove it: ten Dove Awards, three American Songwriter Awards, along with 32 number one songs and she's even published three books. To the whole world, Twila Paris was for many years known as an accomplished person; a highly successful music artist and author. All the while, however, Twila had a desire that didn't seem like it was going to get met: she wanted a child.
She says, "My husband and I had been married for 15 years before our son JP was born. During the period of waiting, I went through a lot of phases, the phase of, "well, at some point we will," and then I remember one day sitting down in my kitchen, we'd been married probably about nine years at that point, and I thought, "You know what, this may not be just a matter of when, this may never happen."
"I had to ask myself the question, "Am I willing to say 'Thy will be done' in this area, of my life?" In this area where I have my own desires and my own agenda, am I willing to submit that to you, Lord, because I'd seen friends of mine who were in the phase of "Maybe I won't ever have children," and they would be bitter about that."
"I remember thinking that if it were left up to me, Id like to have my whole life planned out for years and years in advance, maybe out to the very end. I had my little calendar, this is the appropriate time to get married, this is the appropriate time to have your first child, this is the appropriate time to have a second child, and that should probably be the little girl after the little boy. I had a tendency to be a little bit of a control freak and I had my calendar and I remember saying to the Lord,
"My calendar's getting behind." "I looked around at other people my age and where they were in their lives, and I talked to women who deal with this all the time who, maybe they're in their 30s and they're not married yet and they don't even see that person, so it's like they're not even under the idea of children. It's "what if I don't get married?" Or maybe they are married and they have kids but they feel unfulfilled in the creative area of their lives, maybe with career or ministry and they feel like they're in limbo. I felt like that some of the time as well, but something that I felt like the Lord taught me and this came into play in this area as well, is God doesn't waste time."
"God doesn't waste our time or His. Every season that He leads us through including, the seasons of waiting are to accomplish something in us and to accomplish a purpose in His kingdom. And often times you can look back, once you get past that season and you're moving into the next area of what God has led you into, if you've been faithful in the little things you'll look back and think,
"I'd have never been prepared for this if it weren't for that time."
I remember I felt like God spoke to me one morning, after I was already expecting my son and I hadn't thought for years about my calendar that was behind, and I felt like the Lord said to me,
"You know, I have a calendar too and it's a lot bigger than yours, and it's a lot more accurate, and it doesn't ever get behind."
"This is what I teach my son, you don't obey mommy because you think I'm right, you obey me because it's the right thing to do because God has told you to and because He gives you wisdom through me. I have to be willing to do that same thing with the Lord. I don't surrender to Him because I've thought it through and I agree with Him. I surrender to him because He is God and His will is perfect, His love is perfect and His wisdom is perfect."
